So for the Australian Film Television and Radio School Foundation Diploma/course I need to do the following application task: “Submit a 2-3 page scripted scene between two strangers in which something substantial changes for at least one of them”. This is my first attempt at it so please critque as much as possible, but not about the spelling and grammer because I know a lot of that is pretty screwed up. ENJOY
EDIT: this has been updated to DRAFT 2
The Prisoner from Hell
INT – A PRISON CELL – DAY/NIGHT UNDEFINED
The Rusty door to prison cell is slid open and a prisoner dressed in an orange prisoner outfit is pushed in and falls to the cell floor. This is Toby. His jail overals appear burnt and blackened and he has coal markings on his face and hands.
The cell door slides to a screeching close. Toby slowly looks up as he pushes himself up.
We see Toby’s new cell mate John sitting on his bed, he is a large muscely, scary and dangerous looking man with a large tatoo on his arm and face, as well as similar burn and coal marks on him.
They stare at eachother without break for a few seconds until Toby swings his hand out quickley and firmly for a hand shake.
TOBY
(confidently)
Hey I’m Toby, I guess your my cell mate..
JOHN
(ignoring the handshake and finally breaking eye contact)
(said dismissivly)
..I guess
Toby lowers his hand confidently and sits down onto his bed opposite John.
JOHN
So how’dit happen?
TOBY
Excuse me?
JOHN
How did the good life end for ya?
TOBY
Oh right, I was caught off guard as I was runnin from the pigs, I really shoulda looked as I ran across that road they really do catch you by suprise.
JOHN
Thats too bad, it was the same for me too, So what you in here for then? What you do to deserve this?
TOBY
(looks away in guilt)
Im not proud of it, not something I want to share really… It happened a long while ago and its only caught up to me now ay
JOHN
It always does eventually, you know, you really dont seem that shocked to be here, the new ones usually take a while to even get it into their head
JOHN (CONT’D)
that they actually wound up here
TOBY
I knew I would winde up here at some stage to be honest… after my first crime I knew it would be like this so I never really felt their was any reason to change my life of crime..
(he says as he sits back and starts unlacing and taking his shoes off in a relaxed way)
JOHN looks at him with a criminalising stare, TOBY notices and leans forward now and throws the shoe in his hand at the ground.
TOBY
(defensivly)
And you? What you do then?
JOHN
Nothing…
(he looks away)
TOBY
yeah Im sure, I heard that from a few others on the way here too
(he says in disbelief)
JOHN
Its true alright!.. It was a rainy night and the roads were slippery.. and this girl.. this girl, she came out of no where and I lost control of the car… and.. she died..
(he says as he pulls down his sleaves to hide cuts on his wrist we now see, its clearly a emtotional topic for him)
TOBY
Shit man, well if it is true, sorry… so what.. you cant be in here forever are you?
JOHN
Ofcourse I am! Everyone that comes here is here forever! This place is fucking bullshit!
They both look down at the ground and there is an awkward silence.
TOBY
(as an ice breaker)
I’ll tell ya one thing though.. I wasn’t to fond of the trip here.
Takes a long time ay, not a fun trip, gets real hot on that bus too the way they take ya. Cant even open the window cause of the cuffs.
JOHN
Its not nice… I had to do that bitch of a journey twice too!
Toby looks up at him in interest.
JOHN (CONT’D)
Its even worse goin back
TOBY
How is that even possible??
John looks up at him
JOHN
Well you see after I hit that girl… I got really depressed… I hung myself one day in my bedroom, that was the first time I was caught..
My girlfriend… she, she found my body, she got me down from… where I was hanging, I was only probably out for moments, but here… so long… too long.. the second time was not long later, it was with a car, as I said, I died the same way you did… Kind of ironic really, the first time I came here was for killing with a car, second time was by getting hit by one.
TOBY
(In shock)
Wow man, thats quiet a story, have you explained this to… them?
(he says while shrugging his head in the direction of the cell door)
JOHN
(we see light tears begin to develop from his eyes)
I dont even think those things can understand us, they only have the job of putting us in here, not judging us… but you know what the worst part is?.. there is no sense of time here, it just doesnt exist, you dont know if you have been here for a few seconds of for a few centuries, you also dont know if your going to come back or not like I did after the first time, you constantly hold onto this hope that you will some how be resucitated or something but chances are it will never happen… I mean what are the fucking chances of coming back from being hit by a car!
TOBY
But that’s still something right? That chance we could still wake up… its better then what other some of the other people have in this place..
John looks up at Toby and wipes the tears from his eyes and puts his hand out
JOHN
(Openly and refreshingly)
My name is John by the way
They shake hands and look at each other with a smile
JOHN
Thank you Toby
Camera moves out through their cell door and moves through the prison. We see infinite cells alongside each other that seem to carry on forever. The celing is made of fire that is dripping sparks to the ground. We hear crys and screams of prisoners and grim reaper demons escorting other prisoners.
FADE OUT TO BLACK THE END
The Prisoner from Hell
INT – A PRISON CELL – DAY/NIGHT UNDEFINED
The Rusty door to prison cell is slid open and a prisoner dressed in an orange prisoner outfit is pushed in and falls to the cell floor. This is Toby. His jail overals appear burnt and blackened and he has coal markings on his face and hands.
The cell door slides to a screeching close. Toby slowly looks up as he pushes himself up.
We see Toby’s new cell mate John sitting on his bed, he is a large muscely, scary and dangerous looking man with a large tatoo on his arm and face, as well as similar burn and coal marks on him.
They stare at eachother without break for a few seconds until Toby swings his hand out quickley and firmly for a hand shake.
TOBY
(confidently)
Hey I’m Toby, I guess your my cell mate..
JOHN
(ignoring the handshake and finally breaking eye contact)
(said dismissivly)
..I guess
Toby lowers his hand in rejection confidently and sits down onto his bed opposite John.
JOHN
So how’dit happen?
TOBY
Excuse me?
JOHN
How did the good life end for ya?
TOBY
Oh right, I was caught off guard as I was runnin from the pigs, I really shoulda looked as I ran across that road they really do catch you by suprise.
JOHN
Thats too bad, it was the same for me too, So what you in hear for then? What you do?
TOBY
(looks away in guilt)
Im not proud of it, not something I want to share really… It happened a long while ago and its only caught up to me now ay
JOHN
It always does eventually
TOBY
(defensivly)
And you? What you do then?
JOHN
I was wrongly accused…
(he looks away)
TOBY
yeah Im sure, I heard that from a few others on the way here too
(he says in disbelief)
JOHN
I did alright!… It was a rainy night and the roads were slippery.. and this girl.. this girl, she came out of no where and I lost control of the car… and.. she died..
(its clearly a emtotional thing for him)
TOBY
Shit man, well if it is true, tough break… so what.. you cant be in here forever are you?
JOHN
Ofcourse I am! Everyone that comes here is here forever! This place is fucking bullshit!
They both look down at the ground and there is an awkward silence.
TOBY
(as an ice breaker)
I’ll tell ya one thing though.. I wasn’t to fond of the trip here.
Takes a long time ay, not a fun trip, gets real hot on that bus too the way they take ya. Cant even open the window cause of the cuffs.
JOHN
Its not nice… I had to do that bitch of a journey twice too!
Toby looks up at him in interest.
JOHN (CONT’D)
Its even worse goin back
TOBY
How is that even possible??
John looks up at him
JOHN
Well you see after I hit that girl… I got really depressed… I hung myself one day in my bedroom, that was the first time they court me..
moments later my girlfriend at the time found me and got me down.. brought me back to life… ofcourse it felt like an eternity even though I was only
JOHN (CONT’D)
gone for a couple of seconds… the second time was only a couple of years later when they caught me by getting me with a car, as I said, I died the same way you did… Kind of ironic really, the first time I came here was for killing with a car, second time was by getting hit by one.
TOBY
(In shock)
Wow man, thats quiet a story, have you explained this to… them?
(he says while shrugging his head in the direction of the cell door)
JOHN
I dont even think those things can understand us, they only have the job of putting us in hear, not judging us… but you know what the worst part is?.. there is no sense of time here, it just doesnt exist, you dont know if you have been here for a few seconds of for a few centuries, you also dont know if your going to come back or not like I did, you constantly hold onto this hope that you will some how be resucitated or something but chances are it will never happen… I mean what are the fucking chances of coming back from being hit by a car!
TOBY
I see your point.. but at least we do have something to keep us going! At least there is that tiny, tiny glimmer of hope… Some of the people here… I mean just imagine.. imagine if your were decapitated or something fucked up like that… then you would have nothing…
John looks up at Toby and wipes a tear from his eye that was developing.
He puts his hand out
JOHN
(Openly and refreshingly)
My name is John by the way
They shake hands and look at each other with a smile
JOHN
Thank you Toby
Camera moves out through their cell door and we and moves through the prison. We see infinite cells alongside each other that seem to carry on forever. The celing is made of fire that is dripping sparks down to the ground. As the camera moves past we hear crys and screams of prisoners and see grim reaper-esk demons escorting other prisoners.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
THE END
